Days of Our Lives’ Tamara Braun Explains Her Vanishing Act: ‘I Still Can’t Really Talk About It’

April, T.S. Eliot famously wrote, is the cruelest month. It may not seem it, but when everything’s blooming and cheery, the outside contrast can be especially painful to the folks who are suffering inside. Sometimes, it can be tough to find the joy that everyone else sees. But after a particularly rough month full of “heavy life and death stuff,” Days of Our Lives‘ Tamara Braun (Ava) has begun to find love, life and kindness again. And she shared part of that journey on her birthday, in a way that touched so many fans and friends.

“I’ve been MIA for the last month,” she shared on Instagram after stepping away for a bit. “Two father figures left this Earth. I still can’t really talk about or discuss it. My heart breaks too much and I must stay the course.”

But, Braun shared, she found a photo of herself as a child at her dad’s home, and she could still recall so many beautiful details from it. “I look at that little girl with her bright eyes and her smile and I am reminded what a strong little one she was amidst all that was going on around her at that time. I am reminded that my brothers and sisters were also strong little ones and are now strong and loving big ones. I am so grateful for the love we have for one another and the healing that is happening for us through our loss.”

Take a look at the memory below to see Braun’s familiar face smiling through a child’s eyes.

Her birthday, the actress shared, reminded her “that life is for living, for smiling, for crying, for feeling all the feels and for learning and growing. It’s for sharing love and doing our best amidst the chaos. It’s for love. Love. Today I wish this little girl and the big one she has grown into a happy birthday. I’m glad she’s still here trying to figure things out and has the chance to share love with others. Happy birthday Tam Tam. Another trip around the sun. And thank you all for your kindness and the love you consistently share with me.”

It’s a sentiment that everyone has to learn at some point in their lives. At least, it’s one that everyone should learn; through the difficult times, there’s always more love to experience and share. And there’s also still joy and surprises out there — like Braun learning on that same birthday that she’d been nominated for Outstanding Lead Actress for her work on Days of Our Lives.

“This is a beautiful birthday present,” she shared in an Instagram post. “So honored to be in the company of these incredible women. Strong, fierce, vulnerable, hard working, bold, dedicated, beautiful actresses. Being a part of this group makes my heart sing.”

So many of her daytime friends and co-stars weighed in not just with well wishes, but words of support. One of the most touching comments came from her TV son, Mike Manning (ex-Charlie), who wrote, “Happy Birthday to a powerful woman, a special human, a kind heart, a passionate soul, a resilient force, and a captivating TV Mom. You can handle anything that comes your way. And I’m sorry times are tough. But it’s the storm before the calm. Wishing you the best next rotation around the sun.”

We doubt anyone could have said it better. And no, the Emmy nominated actress was not exaggerating her grateful joy in being a part of such an incredible group of women. For more on her fifth Emmy nomination — and second for both Days of Our Lives and in the Outstanding Lead Actress category — check back here at the start of next week for our interview with Ava’s portrayer.

After such a difficult time, we’re so happy for the good news, and we’re glad that Braun is starting to heal after such incredible losses. Our hearts and our thoughts are with her right now and we wish her only the best.